Reflections and thanks

Another year older, another year has flown through my fingers. It’s the morning of my birthday, 35 this year, sitting on my sofa, sipping coffee, trying to ignore all these damn IM and emails, debating what time to head into the office. I remember a time when 35 seemed so old, so far away, so inconceivable. Hell, to be honest, there was a time when I didn’t think I’d live to see this day. Boy, a lot has changed and all for the better. Now how did I end up here…

I certainly didn’t expect nor really look for this success. I never went to school, I never saw a future in myself. Always just sorta lived in the present, doing what I loved to do, whatever that was at the moment. I suppose that was part of the reason I got into as much trouble as I did when I was younger but I never intentionally looked for trouble nor tried to harm others. I watched my friend’s backs and relied on them to do the same for me. We broke into warehouses, drove fast, gobbled way too many pills, climbed rooftops, chased skirts, ran from cops, ran from bullets, and then did it all over again the next weekend. I DJ’d, tore up dancefloors, I hustled, and I always drew, sketchpad with me everywhere, just always had this itch in the back of my mind that everything would sort itself out. I just did what I loved and tried to make sure no one got hurt in the process.

There have been some great moments in my life that pushed me forward but I never strove for anything more than being the best that I could be.  Getting a felony at 18 showed me I was going down the wrong path. Being chased by gang members in East LA waving guns at us pointed out I needed to be a tad more cautious. Spending a weekend in the SF General with a bunch of stab wounds (oops, sorry mom, forgot to mention that one) pointed out that I needed to be A LOT more cautious. That first broken heart showed me what impossibly fragile creatures we are. And I just kept on drawing, for drawing’s sake.

And in amongst all this, I stumbled over one of the most monumental moments of my life, a moment that really put the world in perspective for me.

I had been invited to hear Henry Rollins speak in LA. At the time, I knew who he was but I really didn't know what "spoken word" was nor what I was in for that night. I was about 19 and I was pretty sure I was going to end up in either a funeral home or a prison before I turned 30. I already had a felony on my record and I was going nowhere fast. It was 1991 and one of my best friend's brothers had gotten us on the guest list to hear Henry Rollins speak at a small little nightspot in LA and I had agreed to go along. No less than a week before the gig, Rollins and his best friend Joe Cole were held up by gunmen waiting for them outside his home. Joe Cole was fatally shot.

We were pretty sure the show wouldn't happen. Would you expect otherwise? We assumed the evening had been canceled. But a few days went by and we heard the show was still on. When we arrived we found it had been closed to the public but we were still somehow on the guest list. Now I had no clue what to expect. I felt really out of place as I realized most of the people in the tiny space were close friends of Henry and Joe. I felt like I was intruding on something very personal. We found a dark spot in the back and tried to disappear. The lights went down and Henry came out and sat himself down on the stage. He shared some great stories that night and he told us the story, in incredible Henry Rollins detail, of what happened at his house the week before. When he lost his best friend.

He told the story with humor and intensity and passion. Henry weaves a tale like no other. He paints with words. He is brilliant. We were laughing and crying along with him and by the end of the night I found myself sitting there, absolutely awestruck. I’d never in my life been so moved by a person’s words. And then he weaved his tale back to his message for the evening. He always has a message in there somewhere. I’ll probably fuck this up a bit, I’m not Henry, but that night's message was "Don't be in awe. Be inspired." In other words, don't ever, ever be in awe of someone. They are human just like everyone else, no different than you, me or anyone else. To be in awe of someone is to put them on a pedestal over you. To say they are a better human, to give them a hold over you. That's bullshit. We all have so much untapped potential within us. We can do anything we want if we set our minds to it. Acknowledge their greatness but be inspired by it. Strive to reach new heights…

It was one of the most intense experiences of my life. I was blown away. There was a lot of truth in what he said. I thought I was stuck where I was. That I had no way out of the life I was leading. What he said put everything in a different perspective. I stumbled out of that tiny LA club understanding I needed to make some changes in my life. I'll never forget that night. I had found inspiration.

And looking back on it, what a profound impact it had on my life. I could do anything I wanted if only I set my mind to the task. And it’s one of the most profound truths in my life.

And I’ve never looked back. Just kept on hustling, trying to be the best I can be, watch out for my friends along the way, I shot for the motherfuckin stars. I’m not there yet, but I’m getting closer, and I think as long as I keep this ball rolling, anything is possible. At times I like to think I’m lucky to be where I’m at but I also know it has a lot to do with hard work, keeping an eye on the possibilities unfolding around me, and surrounding myself with good peeps. So with that being said, I’d like to thank the following, in no particular order for some of the greatest times in life, inspiring me, and for helping me reach 35…

Mom, Dad, Jeff, Foster, Arundel, Chris, Donna, Jeremiah, Jazmin, Miles, Stacy, Kristin, Dawn, Eliza, Andre, Sally, Mukka, Adam, Conrady, Henry, Donnie, Keith, Faye, Justin, Tal, Chardmonster, Gallagher, Healy, the Tiffanys,  the Stompy crew, all the Sunset peeps, Tandy, Leslie, the LIC crew, Sket, MAD, Baroness, Uman, Bigboy , Hernandez, Brad, Cheri, Alia, Big Rob, Whitaker, Kebo, Borin and the crew from 222, Erik(Milk), Everlast, Qbert, D23, Ogi, N8, Tristan, Kozik, Tara, Ledbetter, Han, Mike and Katie, Furi Furi, Ito, Lau, Siu, Simone... all the girls that left an impact on my life, Susannah, Heather, Dawn, Samantha, Tawnya, Coral… And a huge thanks to the Kidrobot crew… Paul, Joanna, Chad, Nichole, Merryl, Gabe, Jillian… and all the other industry heads… … Jack, Francine, Keith, Eddi, Raymond, Ryan, Sichi… and the hugest thanks of all to Henry Rollins for opening my eyes to my own potential.

Last but not least, thank you, all my fans and collectors from around the world. I wouldn’t be where I am today without you.

Love what you do and the rest will follow. Keep on hustling on.

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